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Earning A Cuppa

August 31st, 2011 by admin

Part II from our guest writer, Rhiannon Davies.

Perry stands in the back corner of the bar, surveying her Kingdom. Her bar tenders are hard at work, slinging booze across the bar like Spiderman flicks his web between buildings. She calls them her Children, and much like a broody hen, she watches them unblinkingly and verbally pecks the eyes from anything that might make them even vaguely unhappy. She’ll gathering her charges under her wings and feeding them tequila from her own special tea cups while the boss turns a blind eye to her “cups of tea”. Like most mothers, she has her secret favourites on the bar, but it doesn’t do to let the other children know.

It’s the same for her regulars. There are those among the public whom Perry genuinely adores. There are also those whom Perry wouldn’t cry to see fall under a bus.  She cringes internally at the approach of THAT Guy.  Bar tenders everywhere know and hate THAT Guy. He magically appears from nowhere after three a.m, buys one drink, but is too drunk to actually drink it, so will sit on the damn thing until security boots him out. On he shambles, like a reanimated corpse, already two drinks past his cut-off limit and it’s starting to show. He careens off the bar stools and trips over imaginary lumps in the floor. He has a brief argument with one of the potted plants. Perry and her Children give him an identical flat glare as he staggers to the bar. Water jugs magically appear from nowhere and the house lights go from Mood Lighting to Get The Hell Out. THAT Guy’s lips move like he’s spent the night at the dentist’s, complete with ropes of drool.

“JD and Coke?”

“Sorry darling, I think you’ve already had a few too many of those. How ’bout you have some of this instead?” Tui, Perry’s Number One Girl, plants a glass of water in front of the swaying man.  THAT Guy looks vaguely perplexed and hurt, like someone’s just run over his dog and expected him to clean the body out of the radiator.

“Go on, love”, Tui says. Her voice drops deceptively into what could almost be a seductive tone. Her eyes did not reflect the warmth of her voice, however. “You’ll thank me for it in the morning”. Tui had timed it right, and THAT Guy was exactly as malleable as she thought he’d be. He downs the pint of water and slams the glass on the bar, just in time for the bouncer to appear. “Sorry sir, the bar’s now closed. You’ll have to leave.”

Perry eyes Tui approvingly. “Nicely done, madame. Spot of tea?” The plummy accent could have come straight from Windsor Palace and the girls head to the end of the bar where Perry’s Teacups waited, full of tequila.  “Pinkies up, dahling.”

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