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Five Of Them

September 1st, 2011 by admin

Part III by guest writer Rhiannon Davies.

“WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE SEX IN TOILETS?!” Steve’s voice rang out over the empty bar. Steve was the newest of Perry’s Children, fresh of the boat from old Blighty, and an absolute God when it came to handling a bar.

“I don’t know, why DO people have sex in toilets?” Tui asks, a cheeky grin on her beautiful face. The magic of bars is that the women are ALWAYS beautiful. And if they aren’t classically beautiful, or perkily cute, then they have a certain something that makes the punter go phwoar, I’ll have some of that, and maybe even buy her a drink! Bar owners know this, and employ beautiful women in order to make drunk men spend money. Don’t hate the player, as they say.

“I don’t know!! But I found five used condoms in the bathroom just now. FIVE OF THEM.” Poor Steve is horrified.

“At least they’re being careful…I mean, can you imagine what it would be like to be told that you were conceived in the bar toilets during a particularly lame gig? How bad would that feel?” Tiny Charlotte, another Brit Import, was Perry’s Secret Favourite. Not the best bar tender in the world, it was true, but her Sarcastic Charleston [TM] was second to NONE. She was endlessly cheerful, worked tirelessly, and had the sweetest nature of anyone Perry had ever met. Also, she was the only person on the bar that was shorter than Perry, which endeared her automatically.

“Ok, I’ve had sex in some seriously weird places” Steve says, ” but a toilet? That’s just horrible. And it’s not like our toilets are particularly sexy.”

“Yeah man, if it was leopard print and velour I could understand! But this?” Tui’s delicate nose wrinkles in disdain.

“Note to self. Tui likes…leopard print and velour…and toilet seats!!” Perry laughs and the empty bar holds her voice like a carillion. Tui promptly busies herself in cleaning the spilled Red Bull off tables while the others chuckle up their sleeves.

Not a bad night, Perry thinks to herself as she takes note of what needs doing and what has been ticked off. Quiet Rosie needs to work on her speed. Charlotte needs to NOT be afraid of pushy punters. She’s too much of a sweetie for her own good. Tui needs to learn to drink water while being bought shots by the punters or she’ll wind up trashed before cleanup, which is never a good thing. Perry is also plotting to steal Steve away from his day job so he can become one of her Children permanently. Stupid day jobs don’t appreciate good folks anyway, she mentally growls. The man tends bar like most people breathe, he’s not meant to be a bloody accountant.

She claps her hands like a kindergarten teacher and the others prick up their ears. “Well done, my Children. I think it’s time for a cup of tea, don’t you?”

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